Best I Ever Had
by everyday-dream
Summary: Set a while before the last episode of 02. Daisuke's left Ken for good, and the poor bishonen isn't taking it too well. Set to Vertical Horizon's "Best I Ever Had(Grey Sky Morning)" and rated PG for angst, alcohol, and mentions of homosexuality.


Author's Note: I dun own this! I have no claims on Digimon, Ken or Daisuke (except for the ones I caught at the Pocket Bishonen site...), alcohol, or the song "Best I Ever Had(Grey Sky Morning)". Digimon, Ken, and Daisuke belong to...umm...other people. "Best I Ever Had" belongs to Vertical Horizon. And alcohol belongs to people who are old enough to buy it. So, now that that's cleared up, here's the story! 

Warnings: Umm...angst and alcohol. Kensuke and Miyaken, sort of. 

Best I Ever Had 

Ichijouji Ken sat at his usual place at the bar, staring fixedly at his drink. He'd sat in the exact same place for the past two hours; he'd lost count of the number of drinks he'd gone through, but the bartender had mentioned that it was a good thing that his job paid so well, considering the amount he'd consumed.   
Eyes bleary with alcohol, he pulled out his wallet; however, it was not to pay. His gaze landed on a small, dog-eared photo of a younger Ken and an auburn-haired man of the same age. The auburn-haired one had his arm around Ken, and both of their smiles were blissful and innocent.   
"Dai-chan..." the man whispered hoarsely. "Why'd you 'afta go an' leave...?"   
His mind traveled back to the time when the world stopped spinning. He wasn't exactly sure how long ago it was. As far as his alcohol-blunted senses were concerned, it could have been five minutes ago, or it could have been five years. No matter how recent or ancient the memory was, it was fresh in Ken's mind and it burned like acid.   
It had started off normally enough. He and Motomiya Daisuke, his best friend and lover, had been spending a regular day together. Of course, that wouldn't last. Now that Ken reflected on it, Daisuke had seemed a little more tense than usual that day.   
At the end of the night, Daisuke and Ken had been watching a movie and sitting on the couch together. As the credits rolled, the two got to talking and eventually Daisuke dropped the bomb: he was leaving Ken.   
_ I'm sorry, Ken...I just can't go on like this. _Daisuke's words repeated over and over in the purple-haired man's mind._ I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I really don't think I can stay with you any longer. There are just too many reasons why we can't be together. My family just won't accept me if I tell them I'm gay, and we'll be forever outcasts. There are so many other reasons, too...listen, Ken, I love you. But I think it's not the kind of love we're looking for. I'm your friend, but I don't think I can be more than just that anymore. It just won't work. And, well...I don't want to hurt you anymore. Find someone else, Ken. You deserve better than me. We both need to move on now, all right? Promise me that you won't dwell on me for too long..._ Daisuke had offered a weak smile at that point.   
The news in itself was earth-shattering. Ken hadn't had much to say- his heart was bending apart. I say bending because it wasn't broken yet. No, there was still more.   
If it had been just that, Ken would have been able to handle it sober. But as he followed with Daisuke with his eyes as the noodle salesman walked away from his apartment, he was met by a worse sight.   
There was an American girl waiting on the street corner. She was fairly attractive, and was dressed well. She waved to the auburn-haired man. Daisuke walked up to her and, as if they had arranged to meet there all along, they walked along to the train station together. Daisuke had his arm around the foreign girl after five steps.   
That was when Ken's heart broke.   
He couldn't really remember what happened after that. All he knew was that he ended up at the bar, where he promptly sat down and ordered the strongest drink on the menu. He hadn't even noticed that he was crying until the bartender mentioned it. There he had stayed, not moving until the moment before. 

_So you sailed away_   
_Into a grey sky morning_   
_Now I'm here to stay_   
_Love can be so boring_

Ken knocked back another drink without even registering it and held his head in his hands. Salty liquid ran down his face and dropped slowly into his shot glass.   
"Dai....chan..." he whispered brokenly. 

_Nothing's quite the same now_   
_I just say your name now_

The detective slumped over, leaning on the bar counter. His state of emotional anguish had made his chest hurt physically. Tears soaking the sleeves on which he laid his head, Ken tried again to tell himself that it wasn't the end of the world. 

_And it's not so bad_   
_You're only the best I ever had_   
_You don't want me back_   
_You're just the best I ever had_

It seemed like it was, though. Ever since he was eleven, Daisuke had always been by his side. He was the only one who had trusted him unconditionally, who had given him the strength to become a better person than he used to be. The two shared an impossibly strong bond that only grew stronger with time. Later on, their friendship evolved into something more than just that, and they had grown even more attached to each other. They were each other's security. 

_So you stole my world_   
_Now I'm just a phony_

But now, all of a sudden, Daisuke had pulled away. It would have been slightly more bearable if both of them were alone now, but Daisuke....Daisuke had someone else.   
And Ken was alone again.   
He couldn't help feeling jealous of Daisuke's new partner, whoever she was. She was with the one person Ken loved most, and Daisuke would most likely be faithful to her.   
_What does she have that I don't?_ he thought in despair. _Why did he choose her over me?_   
The answer was painfully obvious. She was pretty. The girl had blue eyes and short, blonde hair that was held back with barrettes. She was thin, and was dressed in pink when Ken saw her.   
_She looks like Hikari,_ he realized with a start, wiping his eyes. _He likes her because she reminds him of Hikari._   
Of course Ken knew about his friend's past crush on Yagami Hikari. When they were young, Ken had often offered advice to Daisuke about wooing the girl. Of course, none of the tactics ever worked. But Ken honestly thought that Daisuke had finally given up on her when they were together.   
_Of course, she's also female,_ Ken thought with more than a trace of bitterness. _He'll never be an outcast because of her. It's socially acceptable to love *her*. That's the edge she has._   
The desire to cry overwhelmed him again. 

_Remembering the girl_   
_Leaves me down and lonely_

_ It looked like she was a _gaijin_, too_, Ken noted. I_'ll bet anything that Dai goes with her to wherever she's from. It'd be just like him to try and start over, to start again, with no mistakes..._ Ken almost smiled.   
During some of their more violent arguments, Daisuke had left for somewhere else in Japan to 'cool down', as he once put it. He would stay somewhere unknown for up to a few weeks before finally sending a postcard that told Ken where he was and when he was coming back. That always symbolized that he was ready to make up.   
_Yes, any day now, I'll get one of those postcards. Except this time he won't want me to expect him back or to come get him..._   
The near-smile disappeared again. 

_Send it in a letter_   
_Make yourself feel better_

_We both need to move on now, all right? Promise me that you won't dwell on me for too long..._ Daisuke's last words to him flashed into his mind.   
_Of course he wouldn't want me to 'dwell on him'. He always thought that everyone could forget things in a snap like he could. Doesn't he know how much I...how much I..._ A fresh onslaught of tears prevented his thoughts from being completed. 

_But it's not so bad_   
_You're only the best I ever had_

_Of course he wouldn't. He doesn't need to...not anymore. He's got *her* now. _Ken wiped the tears from his face, the action taking more strength than he ever thought it would. 

_You don't need me back_   
_You're just the best I ever had_

_ I can't take this!_ he thought desperately. _I won't be able to look him in the eyes anymore, knowing that I'm not good enough..._

_And it may take some time to patch me up inside_   
_And I can't take it so I run away and hide_

_ Yes, you will, another part of himself said. It'll take a while, but you *can* forget him. You can't go on otherwise. Daisuke knew that. You should, too._

_And I may find in time that you were always right_   
_You're always right_

And, much as Ken despised it, he knew that this part of himself was right. 

_So you sailed away_   
_Into a grey sky morning_   
_Now I'm here to stay_   
_Love can be so boring_

"Ken-san?" A voice interrupted his inner conflict.   
He turned around to see Inoue Miyako, another friend of his. She looked concerned as her eyes looked over him.   
"'Smatter, Miyako?" he asked her, his voice slurring slightly because of the alcohol.   
She rushed over to him. "Ken, what happened? You look awful. You weren't mugged or anything, were you? Look, your face is all flushed and-"   
He looked away. "Dai and I...we broke up. He left." 

_What was it you wanted_   
_Could it be I'm haunted_

Miyako's expression immediately changed. "Oh, god, Ken...I'm so sorry. No wonder you're so upset. Just tell me if there's anything I can do..."   
Ken let himself tune out part of Miyako's worried tirade. It was almost a reflex of his; in the past, he hadn't let anyone but family and Daisuke worry about him.   
_Daisuke..._ The name brought back fresh pain, and he fought the urge to curl up into a ball. Even though this was a bar, people would definitely stare if he did that. Miyako would be even more worried, too.   
_Poor Miyako. She's being so nice to me, despite the fact that I hurt her._   
Miyako used to have a crush on him when they were younger. Before he and Daisuke had become more public about their relationship, she had confronted him about her feelings with the traditional "I like you; do you like me back?" routine. Unfortunately for her, he had declined her offers to become his girlfriend. There was an initial argument, and a time period where things were very uncomfortable between the three of them, but eventually she accepted that he and Daisuke were together. She had the crest of love, after all. She couldn't ignore things like that very long.   
And now, here Miyako was, concerned about him when the world was collapsing around him. How could she be so nice? He'd wounded her so badly.   
_ But you're in the same position that she was in. Someone you love has left you without warning, and you don't know what to do. She knows how badly it hurts. You're not alone._   
Something inside Ken changed then. _I'm not alone anymore...I can make it through this._   
He stood up shakily. Tears, alcohol, and gravity didn't mix well. Miyako started over to him concernedly, and he shot her a weak smile.   
"Let's go, Miyako," he said quietly.   
She blinked in surprise, then nodded. 

_But it's not so bad_   
_You're only the best I ever had_   
_I don't want you back_   
_You're just the best I ever had_   
_The best I ever..._

They made their way to the exit together.   
-------   
Owari   
------- 

A/N: ducks all the tomatoes that Kensuke/Daiken fans throw at her> Ack! I'm actually a big Kensuke fan, but I wanted to write something that fits with the end of 02. ducks even more tomatoes> Hey- inspiration just struck. I dun control what my muse tells me to do! ^_^ 


End file.
